You Control the Moments

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Life is simple really. It is just a matter of moments and decisions that get you from one moment to the next. Simple. No mystery about it. Just one moment then another and another. You decide what to do in the next moment. You can get brave and plan future moments, most of us do. Then there are the moments that are planned for us one after another after another. Work, school, responsibilities and obligations are just preplanned moments.

Who or what is in control for your moments and thus your life is entirely up to you. Will you let the jerk who makes you lose you temper and feel angry control your moment? Will you passively let the someone else control what happens to you in your moments?

What about God? Will you let God control your next moment?

Each life is nothing but a series of moments that come and go. We live not day by day, one day or week or year at a time like we choose to believe. No, we live one moment at a time. How we choose to live the next moment is in our control.

What? You don’t believe that? What about obligations when you must do things you do not want to do? Yes, that is in your control too. You choose to participate in what is expected of you or not. You choose what happens. Don’t give me that, you are not in control, life makes you do certain things whether you want to or not.

Wrong!

Did you get up this morning? Yes? You could have stayed in bed. You control what you do, always.

So, stop with the he made you mad and the you have to do this or that. Don’t let me hear you say your boss, parent spouse friend made you do……..No, you are in control of every moment of everything in your life.

The only two things you are not in control of are other people’s actions and acts of God. Your reaction to those two things are still in your control.

Say it with me, “I control my reactions to the actions of others and I am in charge of moments in my life one moment at a time.”

Yes you will have to contend with the consequences of your actions; however you choose the action.

Do what you choose.

Live your life your way.

Rolling the D20 is optional.

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Best Advice I can Give

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Tonight I gave a thirteen-year-old girl the best advice I had ever received in my life. I did not know at the time when I got the advice that I would one day pass it along to someone else, but I did. She needed to hear it. It was perfect timing for what is going on in her life at the exact moment that she needed it. Just as it was perfect advice that I received at the very moment that I needed it. It is the kind of advice that once you hear it is seems so simple you wonder why you didn’t think of it for yourself. Once you hear it you can’t unhear it and it seeps in to you mind just when it is needed from the first moment you hear it to the next and the next and the next moment. It is advice that will never spoil and never leave you. It is tried and tested. It has proven itself to be true and worthy of use repeatedly. It is a universal truth. I want to believe that it is a biblical truth and that it is from God. He sent this truth to someone and that someone sent it to me. Now I have passed it on like a mantel of truth to the next generation.

I will pass it on again and again as it is needed, because you see, it will be needed again. That is how this advice of truth works. Here is the catch. Just because someone hears this truth does not mean that they will receive it and will use it. It must be followed exactly for it to work. Like an exact recipe. If you deviate from the truth it will not turn out right and true. It will fall like a cake with not enough flour in the mix. This truth will fix a multitude of problems. It isn’t a miracle cure. It isn’t an easy process to follow. It is a necessary step in to finding your path and finding your way in life. It is not easy to do sometimes, often not. Often it is where the rubber meets the road and the difficult decisions must be made. It is the difference between moving forward and standing still in your pain. It is healing or not. It sometimes requires you to break before you can bend. If you follow this advice and trust yourself it will work out right. Right always wins over wrong. Lessons will be learned and life is lived. It is the cross roads of survival. It is where things happen, good or bad. What is the truth?

What is this advice that will be there when you need it? If I tell you will you promise to use it correctly and share it when the moment presents itself again?

 
If you said yes, if you agree keep reading if you said no, that you do not want that kind of responsibility, stop reading now.

 
Here it is, here is the advice.
“Listen to your heart. Trust your heart. Your mind will lie to you but your heart will away tell you the truth. It will always tell you what you need. Your heart is always right.”

 
Easy yet not. Simple yet complicated. Predictable however unfathomable.
Listen to your heart, then follow it.

Always.

Blink…Blink… Blink…

I have been looking at the blinking cursor all day. Well, not all day but a big part of the day, trying to write something. I am at a point where I can hear the words whispering in my head in ghostly far off voices, but not materializing into typed words.  All I can manage is to stare at the blinking cursor like a schoolmarm tapping her foot at me waiting for some brilliant prose to come spewing forth on the white page. It just isn’t coming today, so I closed that intimidating  screen and found myself here.

There is something non threatening about blog writing. It is not meant to be the greatest words or ideas that the world has ever seen. It is not expecting to be the next great American novel. So far my blog has done none of that, it is not going to. It is a place for ideas about books to have a home. A place for me to share thoughts and observations. Mostly it is a place for me to share what I have learned. Like Carol Burnett said, “We don’t stop going to school when we graduate.” My blog is a classroom, a canvas, and a open page.  Blogs are easy carefree sort of workings that allow people to connect over ideas and thoughts. They are meant to be conversations and announcements, but sometimes when you least expect it they are perfectly penned prose that leave you breathless wanting more. Wanting the rest of the story and asking, where can I buy the book?

I don’t know if my blog will ever grow into wonderful things worth expanding to book form. Right now I am just happy to have a place to write freely without judgement or recourse if the passages are not scintillating and grand.

It is just words and words are everything.

Love by the Numbers

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I have been in more relationships and marriages than the average person, so I thought. I recently read a couple of studies that say statistically the average person falls in love 3 or 4 times in a life time. Theses magical studies also say that you will have 7 to 10 serious relationships, with men having ten in their lifetime, compared to an average of seven for women. The average number of marriages is 3 to 4 for Americans. Thinking back through my life I have only been in love, true love, twice. I have had many more serious, or what I thought at the time were serious relationships. Marriages? Don’t get me started!

I am not so out of the ordinary after all.

What the studies do not explain is why will the average person have so many relationships,why will they fail and why we settle for less that perfect in some relationships. I can’t speak for the masses but I can tell you that there are several reasons why I had so many relationships, why they did not work out and why I stayed in the dying ones. Since I am about average according to the studies I bet my reasons are about the same as yours. The topic of why relationships fail is a big one and space here will not allow for a complete exploration, so we won’t go there.

I  do believe that God sends love to your life. You choose if you accept that person or not. Choice means that you choose to stay with him or her, to fight for love even though they are not perfect. One promise to them that you will be their forever person no matter what life throws at you. Never taking them for granted even on the days when you are the only one in the fight for love. Love is not a 50/50 thing. It is a 100% by both people in the relationship. Like any good fighter you also have to know when it is time to throw in the towel. That is a difficult choice, still a choice. Love is your choice to make.

Let me reassure you, dear reader, that you are not alone. No matter how devastated you are at the death of a relationship, all of us have been there at least once in a life time if the studies are to be believed. To me what is worse than the out right end of a relationship is the staying in a dead one.

I stayed in  dying relationships for several reasons, the number 1 reason was fear. I was afraid to be alone. I had been told and believed that no one else would want me. No one would ever love me again. What is worse I had more than one ex tell me such lies and I believed it more than once. I was so wrong.

No matter how broken by love and number of relationships you are now, you can be fixed. You will love again. You will never be so broken that some one will not want to love you.  Forget what the numbers say. Forget the lies the sorry relationship killers tell you. Be brave and take the leap off in to the abyss that is love. Do not fear the future. Love is all that matters in this life. We are not meant to be unloved and alone. We are meant for great love. That love will look different for each one of us.

The common denominator is the same. It only takes 1 person to show you 1 time that love is worth all the sacrifice. 1 person to care enough to love you in all your crazy weirdness. 1 person + 1 love + you = happiness

 

She Builds the Wall

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Here is a bit of fiction…or is it?

She Builds the Wall

I found her standing in front of a wall. The wall was made of bricks the same color red as the bricks that build the american dream home but about half the size and perfect cube in shape. She was mixing a bucket of concrete and slathering it on the bricks. Then she placed them ever so deliberately on the wall where it looks like a strong force crashed in the bricks flinging them all over the ground. I walked up behind her and she does not turn around. She continues to work one brick at the time.

I look to my left and see the wall goes on past my line of sight. I look to my right and see the same. On it goes. I look up and it disappears in to the fog. “What are you doing?” I ask her. She sighs, “What does it look like? I am repairing the break.” Her voice is soft and not unlike my own.

It is a slow process since she is very particular in how she chooses the bricks. She lovingly picks them up and dusts off each side. She then sizes it up for the next location on the wall carefully placing it on the vacant spot. Once she is satisfied it is the correct block, she then coats it and places it on the wall. She continues to pick up bricks, coat them with mud and place them on the wall.

“What broke your wall?” I asked

Again she sighed, “It was my fault. I let my guard down and when I wasn’t paying attention someone got in, wreaked havoc and I forced them back on the other side. Now I am fixing it so they can’t come back on my side.”

She never broke her stride as she explained the break and what happened. She continued to work. Carefully picking up bricks, tenderly stroking them and placing them on the wall.

“When it is fixed, what will you do then?” I asked

Again she sighed, “I will wait for the one who is worthy of coming to my side. I think that they are never coming though. I will just watch and maintain the wall.”

With that she turned and looked at me. She smiled with my smile. Printed on her shirt was the word “Resilient”

She said, “Your shirt says ‘courage’, will you stay with me?”

I sighed, picked up a brick and dusted it off. I measured the place where it would go, slopped on the concrete and placed the brick on the wall.

The Sameness of Life

Today is a normal Saturday. I woke up and did the normal things I do. I sat down and wrote about 2.5K words on my novel. Then I started laundry and took something out of the freezer for dinner. As I was going through the motions of life I came to realize that the more life has changed for me, it is really the same as it has always been.

I live in a different house than I did ten years ago. I have a different job than I had just three years ago. I still do laundry, go shopping and cook for my family, though my daughter has moved away. Now my everyday family consists of my husband and our furry children. I still have to decide what to wear, what to do with my spare time and plan for the holidays.I still pay bills, go to church, make my bed and do chores.  My next thought was man, this is so dull and boring. I am no different from my parents or grandparents. I didn’t become something special like they said I could.Well, maybe I am special, just not famous like I thought I would be when I was ten and singing into my hairbrush.  I am just living not much differently than they did all those years before me.  Life is the same.

Oh, sure I do things a bit different. I order birthday gifts online. Where as my mom and grandmother would stroll the aisles of Gayfers,Dillards or some other retail conglomerate for hours until they found the perfect gift. I get my news from my cell phone. My dad and grandpa got it from Tom Brokaw at the 5 pm news hour after telling me to get up and push the channel buttons. When I was a teenager I used to talk on the kitchen phone with the twenty-five foot cord attached as I sat on top of the fridge snacking on Ziggers and drinking Dr. Pepper. Yes, on top of the refrigerator. I can’t tell you why. I just sat on the fridge. Now kids text, instagram and video chat.

Though we do things in different ways we still do the same things our parents and grandparents did. We work and take care of life. We function as we should in a normal day-to-day way. I find this ebb and flow of everyday life comforting. Yes crisis come and go but for the most part we find our way back to the sameness of life. Doing what we have to do in ways that are what they are for our time and our place in history.

As I chunk the last load of laundry in the dryer, I think about what my grandkids may be doing twenty years from now.  Maybe they will be special and famous like I tell them they will. I hope they find  peace in the simple things of life like laundry as I do.

 

 

Is this weird?

I was looking at Facebook, you know the greatest time suck ever invented. I was scrolling through the river of people in the “People you may know” section when I realized I do not know about 95% of the smiling faces. I was saying, “I don’t know you, I don’t know you, I don’t know you, cute hair….” on and on. Then it was “OOO, you look fun.” I click the picture and read the person’s profile. I see we read the same sorts of books and like the same sorts of movies. It struck me that, no I don’t know the person, but maybe they would like to know me. I mean we have a mutual friend and she likes me.

Is it weird to send a message and say “You don’t know me but I think you would like me since so-&-so likes me”….?

Then I ask myself, what would you do if you got a message like that?

It would go something like, oh a message…..no.. I do not know you, FB stalker!

I think I will keep scrolling on the off chance that the 5% of people I know may still want to talk to me.

Like I said, biggest time suck EVER invented.