It’s my Choice


I choose truth.

I choose to care.

I choose to trust.

I choose to provide.

I choose to accept.

I choose to make our life, our future a priority.

I choose to protect.

I choose to cherish.

I choose your family as part of my family.

I choose to be happy.

I choose to love.

I choose you.

Maybe I should Hold My Breath

Trust is a fragile thing that once it is lost is hard to get back. I am often cautious with trust. I know that most people trust until you give them a reason not to trust you, but I can’t just trust. I have to get to know you first, see how you treat me and others, then I trust slowly. I may eventually work my way up to trusting you but if you mess up, I can stop trusting you in an instant.

Not only can I not trust people easily but I was the same way when it came to trusting Jesus. I mean He is God. He made the universe and everything in it, but does He care about me? Will he take care of me like the Bible says? I am just not so sure about that.  I am not trusting enough to walk out on the water when He calls me to stand with Him. I am more of a toe tester first. You know the one who says, “Ok Jesus, I know that you say I can walk out there to you, but let me test this water with my big toe first and see how that goes.”  Yeah, that is me alright. I am not about to go for a swim today. What happens when I look down at that foot of mine to see if the water is going to hold me? I sink. The moment I take my eyes of Jesus, I am swimming in my own sea of doubt and mistrust.

Jesus is always the same, He is still there waiting for me to take that step. The problem is me. I can’t trust that He will keep me afloat. Unlike the imperfect people in my life who will not only let me sink but push my head down in the waves the first chance they get, Jesus will take care of me.  His love is like water wings for the weak.

I am trying very hard to trust Him this time. I am looking at Him and I am hearing Him say, “Come one out….I will take care of you. I love you.” Yet, I have one foot dangling over the side and the other foot firmly planted in my leaky boat. What does this make me? An ungrateful, disobedient girl who is scared? Yes and it also makes me human.

He knows I am not going to trust Him all the time. He knows I am not going to jump right out on the water and often when I stick that toe out, I sink. The thing is, when I do sink, He pulls me up, drags my soaking wet misbehaving ungrateful tail up on the beach, tosses me a towel and says, “See I told you to trust me. Maybe you will listen next time.”

The Lord knows I am human. He knows I won’t trust Him all the time. I am so thankful that He gives me the room to be myself and learn from each near drowning I experience.

A word of Caution

I am working on several writing projects for publication. Articles and fiction. I ask friends, family and strangers to read pieces and excerpts to give me some feedback. Some times when I get stuck by my evil friend Writer’s block feedback helps me change direction or move forward. One word of caution, not just for my readers but for all readers, when you read a piece of work, unless the author tells you in the piece “This is about me.” do not assume what you read is about the author.

Most of us who write will write about ourselves when we write a non fiction article, but we will say “When I….I did….I went.” whatever. On the flip side when we write fiction, we rarely write about ourselves, but we draw from experience or from observations.

It is not good practice to assume that what you are reading did happen to the person who wrote it. Fiction is fiction. Plain and simple.


Me and NaMo

I am almost two weeks in to my big adventure of writing a novel in a month. I have made great progress thus far. Outline, check, characters list, check and first three chapters drafted check. One the flip side, I am thinking that this was a bit optimistic of me. I have had several people tell me that a month isn’t enough time for a true complete novel and I agree with that. I am seeing a skeleton of a novel emerging. I have had good momentum up to this point, but…..and this is a big but, I have hit a wall. That dreaded writers black wall. I know where I want this story to go but I am at a point that has me stuck.

I knew it was coming, it always does. I am stuck on what I call the filler parts of a the novel. You know the parts that fill in the back story and the space between the big parts. Yeah, I am really stuck.

I am open to any ideas that anyone may have about getting past the block. Is there some magical thing I can do, drink, sleep on, read, eat, sing, or chant to get me back in to the smooth flow of writing?

A month?! What was I thinking? More like six! I could be stuck in writes’s block desert, hell, solitary, prison for a month!

I will have to get back to blogging later, I must go talk to God about this right now! (Prayers from you all would be good too!)




I wanted to share this…

Written By Virginia Satir

I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it — I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know — but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am okay.